I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
FUCK WHALES
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
