i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
