shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
