Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
PANTIES FOUND
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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