Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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