My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
