Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
