She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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