I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize