Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
