woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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