Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Vodka?
Forever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
