i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
