i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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