I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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