worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
