Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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