I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
