How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
