one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
