I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
