That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So vagazzling was a success
and you fell through a lawn chair
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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