I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
