And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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