you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
