if you like me you must not know who I am
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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