I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
