When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
