omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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