i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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