hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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