did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize