I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
