Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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