im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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