The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
