I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
