How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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