just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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