it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
