that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize