I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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