I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
