My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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