uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
