just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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