ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize