Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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