I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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