she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
