Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
