dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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