if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
