Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize