she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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