I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize