So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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