evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
