Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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