you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
