Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
