Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize